No Booze Please, We’re Lying

You’ve just found out you’re pregnant but it’s still too early to announce it. How do you avoid the trap that is the alcoholic beverage? Secret Saviours rounds up the best excuses

So you’re pregnant without the faintest hint of a bump but you can’t tell a soul. And yet, here you are, in a cocktail bar for your best mate’s birthday. The drinks are flowing, but how do you decline without letting on?

Try these on for size.


“Best not – I’m on antibiotics.”

No one would dare mess with this one. It’s medical, scientific and if messed with, the consequences could be dire. The response is usually met with an understanding and supportive nod that says, “Say no more.”


“I can’t – I’m too hungover from last night!”

This one is met with a less sympathetic response and your friends will believe you only have yourself to blame. The drawback is some smart Alexis suggesting: “Hair of the Dog,” with a cheeky wink. But stand firm!


“No no – I’m driving.”

Again, most of your party will support you in this endeavour.


“I wish I could, but I’m detoxing.”

The same response will be elicited with excuses like: “I’ve just joined a fitness bootcamp,” and: “I’m trying to be more healthy.” This may inspire curiosity in your friends, which could begin a web of lies, so if this is the one you go for, be sure to flesh out your story beforehand.


“I would, but I’ve got a bladder infection.”

This little gem is one of our favourites. It makes people uncomfortable and eager to change the topic, which is exactly what you want. Plus, it has the added bonus of explaining why you constantly need the loo!


“I’ve been having trouble sleeping, so I’m cutting out alcohol.”

The most you’ll get from this is a silent “Aww,” and possibly a concerned look. Be prepared for the discreetly mouthed “Are you alright?” from that one sweet friend across the table.


“We’re trying for a baby!”

The genius of this is that you are of course already pregnant, so it’s almost as though you’re not entirely lying to your friends’ faces. Almost.


Palm your drinks off to your other half.

If you're out of an evening with the person responsible for your condition, the least he could do is knock your alcoholic drinks back on the sly. While chivalry may not be dead, the hubby may be not be far off by the end of the night. 


Alternatively, you could just order a sparkling water with lemon and pretend it’s a gin and tonic. Or get a real drink and carry it around with you all night. People are generally only concerned with their own beverage and will think you’ve been topping up and won’t notice you’ve been carrying that flat cocktail around for the past three hours.

What excuses have you used to hide your pregnancy?

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